I Never Ask For It Action Heroes : Unite To End Blame

Action Hero Annie. An unknown man touched me. Andheri Station. Mumbai.

Block 1 of I Never Ask For It Wall. Action Hero Vrushali Saturday January 14th Time: 4 pm - 9 pm Location: MG Road Bus Stop (app Deccan Herald office + Brigade Road Form: Public Participatory Action/ Performance Media: Testimonial of garments and I Never Ask For It wall built by citizens/ individuals/ allies/ communities aka Action Heroes Sign up here

Dear Co-Stranger,

When I was twelve, somebody leaned over and said - don't attract attention to yourself. That's what I have been doing all my life. When I leave my home, I clutch my belongings, adjust my clothes and will myself to be invisible. I occupy the tiniest strip of space. I am constantly moving sidewards to let men walk by, because I know they will most definitely "accidentally brush".

From some unknown age, a verbal survival guide becomes your holy book. "Don't take an auto when it's dark. Don't take a bus in the rush hour. Get into the crowded "Ladies" compartment even if the "General" compartment is half empty. When you sit in an auto, never sit close to the sides even if you want to feel the wind in your hair. Sit in the centre, so no passing hand can reach inside and grope. Don't smile at the auto driver. Don't smile at the shopkeeper. Don't smile."

By the time you're 18 you have permanent frown lines on your forehead. All your life, you have been biting your teeth and not smiling. In all public spaces.

This has to stop.

I want to be free from fear.

Who we are, where we go, what we wear, how we sit, stand, talk, walk in our very own cities. When we demand the need to make our cities non threatening , I don't expect anyone to think of me as their sister or mother, but to really look at women as citizens who have every right to be out on the streets, without any explanation. Sometimes we just love to walk, stand around, hang around, without looking 'available.'

We will write a new story. A story that is not rooted in fear but in being Action Hero.

No woman of any age colour or character ever deserves to be violated or what some may lightly call ‘eve teased’. There is no excuse for sexual violence. We are done being questioned. Controlled. Told.

If you know what  I am talking about, meet me again on  January 14th at MG Road ( opp Deccan Herald) bus stop between 4 - 9 pm. Bring along the garment you wore when you experienced any kind of sexual violence, threat , intimidation, abuse. Your garment is your story, your witness, your truth. You are not alone.Your garment will stand together with another garment: connecting your experience with another Action Heroes. Together, we are strong. We are safe. We resonate.  I Never Ask For It.

In solidarity,

Action Hero

Blank Noise

9886840612 / actionhero@blanknoise.org

Testimonial in letter extracted from Blank Noise Blogathon 2006

Is this the time for #NotAllMen ?

This hashtag has been trending on twitter in light of the new years eve incident.

To whom so ever initiated this:

Of course not all men commit violence against women. 

Many women and girls are warned often by many men (brothers, father, husband, 'protectors') and society at large to fear another man, to "be careful" ie to be careful of another man. 

Before this goes into a man vs women reductionist view - 

In an environment of collective outrage and shock after the new years eve incident , #NotAllMen is defensive ,and this is not a time to be defensive, but to understand , but to empathise and step in. This is the time to take collective responsibility , express solidarity, and even go beyond solidarity to saying that violence against women affects you too in one way or another. Without empathy, and with this hashtag, you are becoming the opposite of the hashtag you suggest. 

shout out to Sachin Kalbag for expressing a similar sentiment, where he proposed a #WeWontTolerateIt 

Shifting the environment of warnings, one Action Hero at a time.

"please don't mind me but what you are 

wearing is inappropriate" 

Action Hero Aishwarya Subramanian posts her experience on facebook. 

Source ( facebook) 

This man's name is Srikanth. About five minutes ago I got out of his auto. The Metre was 40 but I asked him to keep 50 as it was hot outside. And then he looks at me for a second and says - "please don't mind me but what you are wearing is inappropriate". I stand there shocked. And then I tell him clearly that as long as I am paying he has no right to tell me what I can or cannot wear. Then he gets out of the auto to tell me why I shouldn't be dressed like a slut (I am wearing a white summer dress that reaches my knee). A few men gather as I take pictures. One man who has gathered tells me that the auto driver is right. Apparently a girl who lives in a society like mine should be dressed more modestly and like a woman. I am about to start crying at this point. This is the first time I have been so publicly slut shamed. Thankfully two men who came from a junk food store I frequent and told the auto driver and the moral police that I get to wear what I want when I want. I walk away feeling shell shocked and ashamed. You want to know why we fight for our dignity? Because even the clothes we wear makes us sluts. What is the point in being a girl in this country anymore? I feel so embarrassed. My building's guard was standing right there as these men called me a slut for wearing the clothes I wore. This is who I am. These are the clothes I wear. Everyone else can fuck off. Anyone can share this post. I am done feeling ashamed for being me.

Edit: Since there are those who think I posted this without this man's consent (thereby insinuating that I am the one who's publicly shaming someone). Here's the real deal: I actually asked his permission before taking his picture and posting it on social media! He said that he wanted "his message" out because the country will agree with him and not me. I gave him far more respect than he did me. Please please don't think these pictures exist here without consent. I have it! And given how skewered the Indian mentality sometimes can be, I actually think he has a point when he says that there will be people agreeing with what he had to say.

Aishwarya Subramaniam's facebook post was shared X times . It was followed by more abuse through shaming, blaming, verbal assault, name calling and insults. This is rape culture.
I Never Ask For It.