When I was in class 6, we lived in an apartment in Marredpally, Hyderabad. Close to my home, there was a quaint temple. Ever so often, I would visit that temple alone to escape the noise and feel a sense of calm. Back then, I truly believed I felt a connection with God. One evening after school, I told my mother I wanted to go to the temple. This temple was one of those with a huge tree and a place to sit around it. As I sat there, a man was walking alone in the temple. A few minutes later, I completely forgot about his presence and went about my routine. As I was absorbed in my own world, much like 11-yr-olds are, when I felt someone's hands around me. The same man picked me up and cradled me in his arms. He brought his lips close to mine when I tried to scream. He held onto me tighter and I felt helpless. He was not heavily built. But I remember that part of my body was numb from the shock to even react or in this case run. I remember screaming for help. But my voice was barely above a whisper and the temple was empty. When I did manage to escape his touch, I ran home, crying all the way. For a long time, I couldn't explain to my mother or sisters what had happened. I don't think I ever fully explained it. But they understood the gist because somewhere deep down, they had all lived similar experiences. I have never been able to write or talk about it. I am 22 and I still find it difficult to walk by the temple without feeling shivers. But today, with ample distance from the incident, I am brave enough to remind myself that back then, over time and even now, I am not to be blamed. Every time a story of abuse, “eve-teasing” or harassment arises, I am forced to relive so many of those traumatic experiences. These suppressed memories are unnerving and vivid, almost like it all happened yesterday. I find myself repeatedly questioning the similarities between each of the incidents, if any. Wondering what I could have changed. What could I do differently in the future? I have to make a conscious effort to tell myself, it is not my fault and not dwell on those insignificant details. I have never asked for it.
Action Shero Anonymous
Place: Secunderabad, India
