EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY TO
THE HARASSER, ABUSER,PERPETRATOR OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT / ABUSE / SEXUAL ASSAULT
NOTES FROM THE COMMUNITY OF ACTION SHEROES/ THEYROES/ HEROES .
THIS WAS INITIATED IN 2012. YOU CAN SEND AN ANONYMOUS NOTE TOO
VIA THIS FORM. IN SOLIDARITY AND RAGE - ACTION SHEROES / THEYROES / HEROES
#INEVERASKFORIT
“You and I both know it wasn’t the crowded bus that braked suddenly. A push can be accidental, a grope cant. The office going crowd would have blamed me for making an issue out of nothing. You know it wasn’t nothing, I know it wasn’t nothing.
The next time, I will shout. ”
“To the tutor who groped at my breasts, age 12: I wish I’d gotten you thrown out of the house then and there. I will teach my sons and daughters to NOT keep quiet when sleaze bags like you touch them, ever.
To the distant cousin of my father who had done things to me I’ve blocked in my memory, and who cheekily invited us to ‘stay over’ when my dad decided to invite his family to my wedding, age 5 or 6, and then age 25: Don’t you EVER take the liberty of saying that to someone you’ve abused again. Ever. I spit on this society that taught me, not you, to feel shame for your actions.
To the boy who forced his penis on me, age 6: You said sorry. It doesn’t make the trauma any easier to bear. It doesn’t change the fact that I still feel violated by it. That’s me, and I’ve had to deal with at least 2 decades of feeling this way. To the two men who cupped my vulva while I was getting into a bus, age 14, to the men who followed me on a bike in Palakkad, age 23: Because I was never able to see your faces or meet your eyes, I wind up seeing you in the faces of every man I meet for the first time. You will never know how that feels, and that alone will make you do this more and more, to more and more women. ”
“I am not afraid. You don’t scare me.
I will stand up against you
with my head held high. ”
“I feel sorry that you have to live with a mask, and that I can reveal your truth to anyone any day.”
“For years after the incident
I wondered if it was my fault. ”
“You will not defeat me.”
“I don’t know why, I’ve always been conditioned to ‘ignore’ - bullying throughout school, catcalls and molests on the road, to ‘avoid trouble’.
This time I couldn’t ignore it. ”
You were a teacher
and a mentor, someone I looked up to. Someone I trusted.
Think what you may, but I lived a very sheltered life.
My parents never talked to me about sex, let alone about what a pervert is.
All along I felt like there was something amiss,
but my naive trusting nature allowed me to believe you were actually trying to help me.
My candid, open, and accepting nature let me think that those references you kept making to sex and my virginity were just neutral observations, since you said you counselled students psychologically.
Yet I did think there was something wrong, and
I struggled because I had no one to trust and
I thought a counsellor like you was there to help me, not to take perverse pleasure in dissecting my life and sexuality.
I was wrong. You are a married man, well into your early forties at the time, and I was just 20, and
yet you indulged in this kind of behaviour during counselling sessions. Telling me all I needed was a good 'fuck'. Telling me I should come to your place whenever I felt stressed.
That sent warning bells so I didn't comply.
To think my father let you drop me home if I got late at CAT coaching. Goodness knows what you might have attempted if I was a little less careful. Perhaps it was the fact that you're a powerful lawyer and successful head of that CAT institute that made you so brazen and cocky.
That night, when I called you to ask for help with my preparation and my issues, you started saying you were drunk. That alone should have been enough for any 'smart' girl to put down the phone. I just froze. Froze as you started telling me that my voice was 'making you hard' and all sorts of other things you don't expect a counsellor or a teacher to say. I was shaking. I just tried to laugh it off and pretend I didn't hear that. I don't know why, I've always been conditioned to 'ignore' - bullying throughout school, catcalls and molests on the road, to 'avoid trouble'. This time I couldn't ignore it. So I emailed you. I told you I could never be ok with what you did. I was angry, hurt, embarrassed, felt so stupid to think you had good intentions. To which you promptly replied, further insulting me, that if I got 'that close' with a teacher I brought it onto myself. That close? What did I do except look up to you and consult you and try to resolve my issues? So now that counts as 'asking for it'? I never spoke to you again.
But guess what? You just ruined everything. I can no longer trust anyone. I feel like every person out there is somehow trying to use me. I snap at people when I think they try to get close to me. And
I constantly blame myself, 5 years on, for what happened. I don't think you know the damage you caused while you put on a facade of being this wonderful, charming, philanthropic, ethical leader.
It nauseates me.
I hope that some day your wife knows who you truly are when you peel away these fake layers. You don't seem to have a conscience so I sincerely hope no other girl ever comes to you for counselling or consults you for help with CAT prep after hours if this is how you treat them.
Action Shero Anonymous (5)
“You made me believe that it was my fault. You made me feel weak. If only I could tell you today that I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you have to live with a mask, and that I can reveal your truth to anyone any day. And let me tell you one thing, I have never felt this strong before! ”
“For years after the incident I wondered if it was my fault. Did I inadvertently send you some wrong signals? Why wasn’t I more vociferous in my protests? Why was I so subdued? Did that give you the encouragement to proceed? Did that make you think that yes, I wanted this? I grew, I read, I heard more stories like mine, perhaps much more that what I would have liked, the doubts faded greatly, but never fully went away...till four months back, when I looked at a picture of myself. I looked like a child. I was a child. You aren’t just a random old pervert. You are a pedophile who thought you could get away with it. And you nearly did. But I won’t let you. You are not going to be remembered as a respectable man who is good with children and enjoys their company. No! You should stay far far away from them. You should be kept far far away from them. And you will be punished for everything that you have done. To me and to the others. - ”
“Did you know this violence is hurting you as much as it is hurting me? It’s not only me that you think of as non-human; in attacking me, and justifying this to yourself, you attack yourself. ”
“Stop”
“You raped me when I didn’t even know what it is that you were doing. I hope you face the same fate in some life. If I find you in this, you’ll not live of that I’m sure. - ”
I'm not going to internalise your misbehavio
ur.
Action Shero Momoko
“When faced with this choice, I for one,
am at a loss for words.
What do I tell someone whose hand was on my bum even after I screamed at him in a bus?
What do I tell the onlookers who just looked away?
What do I tell the men who enjoy the act of invading a girl’s privacy and ripping her essence to shreds?
I just want you to all to step back and think for a minute. Would you like to be in her shoes? My shoes? Would you like the violation of your essence? Would you... words will not help. I wish castration upon you all. Minus the anaesthesia.”
“I DESPISE YOU. PERIOD.”
“You will not defeat me. I was scared of you, once. When I was a teenager. When you molested me in a bus and then on the street. When I didn’t have breasts but you still tried to grope me. When you grabbed my crotch. I was ashamed. I was afraid. I was violated. But then I found my voice. Remember how I slapped you? Kicked you? Held you by your collar until you apologised? I am not afraid of you anymore. Because I can fight you. And I will fight with every single one of you until you get the message. So that when tomorrow my daughter will walk down the same street, go in the same bus she will not be afraid because I wasn’t afraid today. ”
“Still I can face you!
But you are scared to look into my eyes.
You are Guilty, Shameful, Scared!ˀ
”
“You’re all cowards - every single sexual harasser, molester and rapist. You don’t have the courage to treat a woman with respect, to view her as your equal, because you know in your heart that you are in no way on the same level as a woman. So you tease, and poke, and prod and in most cases do your worst to try and bring us women down. But we’re on to you - we all know we’re too good for you. So you can keep trying to bring us down to your level by trying to control our bodies but be warned, we will not take your cowardly acts lying down, literally. We are not your slaves, we don’t owe you anything - not our bodies, not our attention, not our time. Nothing. Not until you learn to see us as the equals we are. ”
“If you think you can harass, abuse, molest or rape women and get away with it, then you can’t be more wrong. We will fight hard to see to it that you are brought to justice and punished. ”
“And I will never stop walking the streets
in whatever I wish to wear. ”
“ I wont tolerate it and I wont remain silent about it.”
“My dear holy-than-thou brother, if I go out with a man at night you need not rape me to teach me a moral lesson. You need not turn by turn rape me to drive that point (morality or what you call modesty) home. If driving the point of morality at home in my head was really your concern, you have a mouth which is more convenient & faster to use than a disgusting looking dick. ”
“Note to the abusive ex- husband. Being fierce, brave and overcoming what you did to me has been a process. I feel better now. Not small. Not large. Just me. I am learning to stand my ground. It feels better everyday. I don’t know how I put up with your daily abuse. Maybe it was hope that perhaps one day you would change. I kept thinking this was a phase, a bad period for you, and ‘this’ wasnt the real you. I lost myself. Not anymore. I want you to mean nothing to me. Hold no value. No emotion for me. This will take time. I want you out of my system. ”
“Why do you do what you do? What is it that makes you do those acts? ”
“It is NOT OK to stare at me. It is NOT OK to look amused while you stare at me. I am NOT an alien beast on the street. It makes me teary and angry when you fondle your balls as you stare at me blankly. This affects my confidence and my mental health, you, your stares, your brushes and touches, your parents and their disapproval of my ways. I am so uncomfortable in your society. Go away, let me bloom! Go away, I want to be happy and not a square peg in a round hole! Don’t call it rape, that gives you power and makes me diseased. Call it something else that brings out YOUR power in doing a bad deed, your hand in the crime. It’s your crime, not mine! ”
“I can not write about one incident, there are many.
Some men stare, some try to touch or brush, some pass comments. These days I’ve noticed that even men in their mid thirties or forties do that. These incidents occur anywhere like on road(even a busy road), shopping area, and even park! I sometimes think twice even before going to the park in the morning hours for a walk, which is right opposite to my home! I wonder if some men go to park just to check out girls! It’s disgusting. I get furious when people talk about the clothes you wear, when any these of these incidents occur. I am so conscious that I do not wear skirt, shorts anyway. I’ve been subjected to staring, comments and so on when dressed in salwar, track pant, jeans! ”
“Why are you so afraid of me?
You can only communicate with me
and feel powerful by harassing me?
abusing me? raping me?
WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?
I am not weak. I refuse to stay silent any longer.
Deal with it. ”
“ I will never feel guilty about this again.
I did nothing wrong.”
“See ME, not my body, not my ass, my chest, but look into my eyes, gently, so I can, for once, look back.”
“And for making me think I let you.”
“Even when I thought I was choosing to say something to you, I was pressurized to say it faster ! So to you and them I say.. BACK OFF ! You do not tell me what to do or when to do it.”
Get the hell away from me you bastard. You have no right to touch me or talk to me like that. I will rip your balls out. - Action Shero Anonymous (6)
Go, get a life. Get a life that is beyond your need to harass, to smirk, to grope and then run. You are a coward, who runs or kills. You are no man, real men don't need to prove themselves each time a women passes by. Real men don't feel threatened when they share space with another woman. If you are a man, then go, get a life. Respect yourself and I am sure you will be able to respect those around you. - Action Shero Anonymous (7)
STOP IT. RIGHT NOW. Don't be smug about it. Don't think You can get away with it. Don't think You can control me because - You cannot. I wont tolerate it and I wont remain silent about it.I WILL SPEAK OUT. LOUD. And unmask You in front of the whole world. So Be Scared.Be very scared before even thinking of touching me,my sisters or my friends.For this time,we stand united and we will see to it that You and I repeat,this time You will not get away with it. - Action Shero Novellina.
I wish I could say I despise you, but it's only when I think of how many others suffered because I never said a word to anyone. You stopped the day I asked you, but it was far too late, and you are a complete jerk for touching a nine year old student of yours, you pervert. If there is anything I hate you for, it's for all my relationships that you have destroyed. And for making me think I let you. Every single time. I hope you burn in hell. No. I hope I find you again. For, let me assure you: 24 yr old me is a thousand times more vengeful than I ever was at 9 or 10. And I desperately want to beat in your face with my bare hands. Asshole. - Action Shero Anonymous (9)
“I don’t want to hate you, or pepper spray you, or learn to defend myself with martial arts, I don’t want to hang you or jail you I want to trust you. ”
“I want to tell you that you have not broken me even though you tried your best. I want you to know that my life has turned out much better than yours and I am glad about that. I wish that I had told someone about what you were doing if I had known what was being done but I was too young to know. I have found the strength that I had lost and i won’t sit quietly if it ever happened again. My spirit is healing and it might never fully recover but it’s a good thing because now I have an experience which unites me with my sisters out in this world. ”
“Why did you hurt my sister? Why did you take away my friend? I wish I knew the answers, So I could put all this to an end. I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know why I’ve been quiet for so long. If only you had seen what I see, If only you adored the way I adore, Maybe I’d have my friend to share a story with. Maybe I’d have my sister to share dinner with. You will pay and you will pay dearly. The demon in you has to go and has to go surely. I won’t be apathetic anymore. You will not prey on my helplessness. You will always have my sympathies. But I can’t say the same about my forgiveness.”
“I knew nothing of ‘eve-teasing’ till I came across you when I was 16. You sped away on a bike after saying words that made me uncomfortable about my clothes (Yes, I felt guilty about wearing jeans and a sweater!). I cried for hours about it. And you, rubbing your elbow against my breast in the auto-rickshaw. Again, I was too shocked to react. I remember feeling cold all over and very humiliated. I will never feel guilty about this again. I did nothing wrong. You are the offender! - ”
“How can you do this? Watch the pain and gain pleasure out of it ? ”
Dear Rapists, When you say one of us (the women) are dressed provocatively, and hence you could not help yourself, are you saying you're the sort of person who would murder a 4 year old because he was wearing a gold necklace around his neck? I don't know which is scarier: that half of you would leave that child alone but still think that if you can see a girl's legs then she deserves to be raped, or the fact that half of you would rape the gold-necklace-wearing child as long as she was a 4 yr old girl, alone. That's the disgusting part too. The fact that all of your "she provoked me" is a convenient excuse that you think our "elders" will swallow. Well, we know better. And, we are watching you. And, one by one, I swear, we are going to get you all. Prison, Death, Hell: You cannot even begin to imagine the places we are dreaming to send you away to, forever, for every sister of ours you have dared to hurt. If I could, I'd execute every last one of you, myself. For now, know this: You think what you are doing is okay because it is tolerated by those in power. Well, power changes hands, rapists. And, when your protectors have been taken care of, well, the wrath of these billion women is going to fall on you. So, unless you really, desperately want to die, DON'T rape, no matter what she is wearing, and especially not if she is a child, you sick, disgusting assholes. As part of a course, we visited a police station, where the cops told us that half of the gang-rapists they catch usually confess to a dozen more prior rapes, except no one ever complains. Sometimes, the police has traced out these victims, and they have still refused to testify. I can't say I blame anyone, but with the instructions & directions, the misogyny, the insistence on "modest dressing" for women, custodial rape, the two finger tests and the 369 MLAs accused of rape, and our brain-dead politicians with their incapable-of-comprehending-the-consequences-of-their-thoughtless-words when they ask victims why they were out "alone" or "with a boy", well, it's like the State of India is the guiltiest rapist around. Shame. Brothers and Sisters from India, Shame. - Action Shero Shloka
Dear stalker, I don't care if you're name's Arun or douche-bag, when I asked you who you were, I meant for you to back off. Waiting for me as I walk past the Aroma bakery road consecutively for a week counts as stalking. Kindly get lost. P.S. if you continue stalking me I'll call the police. - Action Shero Anonymous (13)
How could you? ! How could you do something so horrific to a innocent child? How can you carry on as if you have done nothing wrong while I live with the trauma everyday? Shame on you ! You did your best (worst) but I am a survivor and have always been. Two decades later, I am still dealing with it and trying everyday to put it behind me. I will succeed one day. Thanks to you I learned at a very early age, that I have only myself to depend on. Maybe one day, there will be justice and you will pay dearly for what you have done. - Action Shero Anonymous (14)
